Style Invitational Week 1196: Hyphen the Terrible — a neologism contest Plus the ink for Ask Backwards, when we gave the answers and you gave the questions While the Invite has done the Hyphen the Terrible contest 17 times previously, Mr. Terrible himself has never before been depicted. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post) By Pat Myers Entertainment October 6 (Click here to skip down <#report> to the results of our Ask Backwards contest) *ALbums + coLOGNE: Al-logne: Perfume that’s guaranteed to keep you from being bothered.* (Kevin Dopart) *AMERIca + disproPORTIONATELY: Ameri-portionately: Super-sized.* (Pam Sweeney) This week’s second prize: You push the hair and it spouts any of eight recorded phrases. It is, of course, the most fabulous pen ever created. (Courtesy of Jay Kamhi) *EFfort + AfGHANISTAN: Ef-ghanistan: What Americans reply when they’re asked about our longest war. *(Chris Doyle) It’s a neologism contest that the Invite has done 17 times, but not in more than two years: *Combine either half of a hyphenated word or compound term with either half of another such term to create a new hyphenated term, and describe the result humorously, * as in the runners-up above from Week 1078, the last time we ran this contest. Feel free to use it in a funny sentence. And there’s a hitch, but it’s not all that hitchy; the Empress is feeling magnanimous: *Both halves of the term must come from the same issue of The Washington Post or another print newspaper, or published the same day on washingtonpost.com, from Oct. 6 through Oct. 17.* Please include the source and the date, e.g., “Post, Oct. 10”; “Post website, 10/14”; “Podunk Daily Fishwrap, 10-8.” Your neologisms don’t all have to come from the same day’s paper. *Submit entries at this website:bit.ly/enter-invite-1196 (all lowercase). * Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial , the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives the fabulous battery-operated Donald Talking Pen, donated by Loser Dave Prevar: You push on Donald’s head and get any of eight actual recorded phrases, such as “I will be the greatest president that God ever created.” There’s a fascinating story that ran in The Post in August about the creation of this pen and what happened when its designer, a fan named Jay Kamhi, showed it to Donald Trump; see it at bit.ly/trump-pen . (Dave promises us a Hillary pen soon.) *Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug, the older-model “This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug or our new Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude” or “Falling Jest Short.” First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Oct. 17; results published Nov. 6 (online Nov. 3). You may submit up to 25 entries per contest. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The “Q cards” headline was sent by both Nan Reiner and Kevin Dopart; Kevin also wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. *The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv . And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *Q CARDS: THE ASK BACKWARDS WINNERS FROM WEEK 1192* Like Hyphen the Terrible, the Ask Backwards contest has been an Invitational fave since the earliest days of the Empress’s predecessor, the Czar. In Week 1192 we gave 15 “answers,” some of which sounded good but didn’t generate much in the way of questions (which is why we give 15 answers). Funny but too frequently submitted: “a $27 donation” as Trump’s charitable giving; the National Postal Museum being closed in rain, gloom, etc.; and “Florida Man’s Résumé” listing several Darwin Awards — never mind that those go to people who end up dead or sterilized. 4th place: A. Cockroach milk. Q. What is slightly more appetizing than Leeches and Cream? (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.) 3rd place A. Donald Trump’s birth certificate. Q. What is marked “Return to Sender”? (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.) 2nd place and the electric YES! button : A. Lobster roll trucks on every corner. Q. What does Lobster do when “LOBSTER ANGRY!!”? (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.) And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial: A. Waist-slimming compression wrap. Q. What could possibly top last year’s new laundry basket as a Mother’s Day present? (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) Ask-its of deplorables: honorable mentions *COCKROACH MILK *What is the second ingredient in lice pudding? (Mary Kappus, Washington) What goes well in a cup of Chock Full o’ Nits? (Jeff Contompasis) Why do so many cockroaches have tiny white mustaches? (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) What “free-range, locally sourced” item is being put on menus to thwart health inspectors? (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.) *AN ELEVATOR AND AN ALLIGATOR, BUT NOT A WAITER * What doesn’t expect a big tip for squeezing in a few more people right before closing? (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.) What might you check inside to find a missing resident of Miami? (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.) *RYAN LOCHTE’S URINE SAMPLE* What gives new meaning to “dope test”? (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.; Chris Doyle) /Senhor,/ what’s the title of that mural at your gas station? (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.) What’s the only thing Ryan Lochte didn’t drink in Rio? (Bruce Niedt, Cherry Hill, N.J.) *149 YARDS RUSHING* What can my landscapers complete each week that the Redskins can’t? (Theresa Kowal, Silver Spring, Md.) In the “Macbeth in the Suburbs” adaptation, what does Macbeth see instead of a forest walking? (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) What won’t cut it when you’re 150 yards from your camper when you spot a bear? (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.) *A $27 DONATION* What is the price of an acre in Utopia? (Jack Turner, Milford, Del., a First Offender) What do you call it when a politician gets caught with his hand in a stripper’s G-string? (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.) *SWISS CHARD BUT NOT A SWISS BANK ACCOUNT *What can you use if you’re out of lettuce? (Pam Sweeney) What grows best with lots of sunshine? (Gary Crockett) What can $27 get you in Georgetown? (Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.) *DONALD TRUMP’S BIRTH CERTIFICATE* What has two especially tiny handprints? (Danielle Nowlin; Joe Neff, Warminster, Pa.) What bears the notation “8 lb. 11 oz. incl. silv. spoon”? (Chris Doyle) What document is stamped “Under Audit”? (William Kennard, Arlington, Va.; Peter Jenkins, Bethesda, Md.) *THE NATIONAL POSTAL MUSEUM* Where is the United States’ largest collection of snails? (Joanne Free, Clifton, Va.) What museum houses the largest collection of tourists looking for other museums? (John Hutchins) What is a nicer-sounding term than Dead Letter Office? (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines) What did they call that exhibit of confiscated weapons at St. Elizabeths Hospital? (Dottie Gray, Alexandria, Va.) *WAIST-SLIMMING COMPRESSION WRAP * What’s less comfortable than a middle seat in coach? (Pam Sweeney) What, if worn too tightly, might also be called “waste-slimming”? (Kelly Ronayne, Alexandria, Va.) What’s the most ordered lunch at the Miss America contestants’ snack bar? (Kevin Dopart, Washington) *FLORIDA MAN’S RESUME* What references 87 guest appearances on “Cops”? (Gordon Cobb, Marietta, Ga.) What says “Education: Redacted by request of school attended”? (Hildy Zampella) Where does the list of references include Jack Daniel and Johnnie Walker? (Christina Courtney, Gettysburg, Pa.) What includes a stint as a salesman hawking Burmese pythons as “waist-slimming compression wraps”? (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) *THE MALTESE PARAKEET* What film marked the debut of detective Sam Teaspoon? (Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.) *2,002 OLD EMAILS* If Proust were writing today, what would his masterpiece be called? (Melissa Balmain) Why is Congress investigating Hillary’s alleged ties to Ni­ger­ian royalty? (Pam Sweeney) *Still running — deadline Monday night, Oct. 10: our contest to change a movie title without changing any letters. See bit.ly/invite1195 . *